No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
