They should really pass out barf bags in church
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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