I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
