I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
