just tell him i said nine months
we made out on top of his cat.
I look better un-naked...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
