We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
