Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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