I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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