I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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