how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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