I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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