she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
