u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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