Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
