I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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