my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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