Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Randomize
