It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
