I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
