But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
