see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Randomize
