Me too!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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