you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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