she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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