did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
