Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
