who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
