i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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