I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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