party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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