I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
