i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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