we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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