She said her name was "party"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
