you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
