Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
