Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
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i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
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I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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