Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
thus making me awesome and them whores
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
