Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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