Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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