Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
