I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
