where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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