I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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