Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I party with great urgency now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
