you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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