Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
