dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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