I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
