none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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