Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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