she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why did my mother make you get naked?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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