I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
