Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
