guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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