I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
