Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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