we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
