do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
